Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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