i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
