I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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