My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
