I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize