I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
