Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
