Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
