i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
