I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think my moral compass just broke
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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