Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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