Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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