Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
