U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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