We won't sleep together?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression