Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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