The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
