So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
