I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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