i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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