Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
