Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
