Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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