ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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