It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
