you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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