we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
