I've blown a few things in my day
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
