If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
