There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
