I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
