I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
