'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I party with great urgency now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
