He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
