I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
