big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
