I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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