This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize