Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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