mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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