apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
