fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
