I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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