Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
