WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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