another moral hangover. fuck.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
