great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
