I'd wear matching sweaters with you
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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