I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
