3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
