I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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