capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize