that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
