Since when is my name a synonym for head?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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