One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
