I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
