yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My ATM looks so different sober.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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