i jhust puked up my retainher.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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