I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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