Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
