lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
