Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
