he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
