Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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