Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
