just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
