he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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