Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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