so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
