im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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