What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
