i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
