Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
