So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he puts the penis in happiness.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
