i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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