Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
