Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need help removing her.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
