ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
