I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
