He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
