i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
