As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
